I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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