..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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