her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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