Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
