I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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