Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
