i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
