So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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