There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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