Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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