dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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