Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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