every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Send help, water and tortillas.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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