"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was born a porn star she said
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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