Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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