it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
