hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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