well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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