M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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