Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
