Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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