Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
