Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
