The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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