I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize