can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
