I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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