My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
