im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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