I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
