i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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