My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
