D3 body, D1 cock
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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