I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
