apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
