she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
