The maid of honor just puked.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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