a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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