to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
