he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The best revenge is premature balding
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
