If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
