No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
