I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
