omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
