worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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