the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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