If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
