mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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