I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
