I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
