Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
