My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
