porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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