Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
pray to the hookup gods
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
