I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
