I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
