Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
