then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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