And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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