Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
