I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
