you would pick up someone in the library
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize