Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member