my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.