soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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