I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Life is so much better after having sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
