I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.