If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.