Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
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let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
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somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car