WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
