Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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