he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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