There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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