Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
