Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
