a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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