best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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