My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
