What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
